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“I can’t do this by myself” I groan, sinking into a kitchen chair.
For just a moment, I lean my elbows on the table, burying my tear-streamed face in my hands.
“How did this day spin out of control so fast”?
Just this morning I’d been elated to learn that I’d be hosting a house full of special guests. I’d felt so honored to use my gift of hospitality; loving to cook and preparing food for people.
How did my excitement and joy morph into frustration and dread so quickly? Oh, how badly I wanted everything perfect, but right now, things are anything but.
My capacity depleted quickly, especially since my sister—my only helper in the kitchen— abandoned me to socialize with the guests.
This happens to so many of us during a typical holiday season, doesn’t it?
We begin with anticipation, excitement, and joy for a beautiful time of celebration. BUT... our thoughts and emotions quickly spiral into dread and overwhelm as cultural expectations and traditions take hold. Then the wake of exhaustion comes as a result.
Now in case you hadn’t guessed, my opening story isn’t about me — it’s my fictional imagery
of the iconic biblical character of Martha.
I think Martha gets a bad rap.
After all, Jesus rebukes her. So the obvious interpretation tends to be that Martha is the DO-er (which is of lesser importance) while Mary is the BE-er: the better choice.
However, what exactly was Jesus rebuking?
I don’t think Jesus was rebuking her actions.
What Martha was DO-ing was not wrong, but rather her heart posture. He knew Martha’s
motivation, and I believe He was compassionate with her. It’s very likely that hospitality was one
of Martha’s God-given spiritual gifts and where her heart was.
Which makes me reflect on a vital question: In all the things I DO, where is my heart posture?
So imagine the rest of this story with me:
Taking a deep breath and wiping tears from your face, you cross the kitchen to the open door where all the guests are. Scanning the room, you find your sister right in the middle of the group discussion. Desperately you try to make eye contact. Instead, Jesus meets your gaze, rises from his seat and approaches you.
Your heart rate grows louder in your ears, nearly reaching panic mode. You didn’t mean to disturb your most revered guest, but He sensed your frustration and overwhelm from across the room. His compassionate eyes meet yours as He places His gentle yet firm hand on your shoulders. He stands quietly, allowing His warm, sympathetic presence to draw out your true emotions.
Lines of anger and irritation surface your brows as you begin to speak. “I know this doesn’t matter much to you that my sister has left me to prepare alone, but maybe if you excuse her from your teaching she will come help me.”
“My dear,” Jesus says, “I see that you are anxious and frustrated by these things. But all the fuss is not necessary. Your sister has chosen to fellowship with us. I can’t take that away from her.”
Like Martha, our intentions are good. We start out with joy and want to operate in our gifts. But too often we misjudge our capacity and overextend ourselves. This misalignment is what causes our hearts to turn towards dread, blaming others or feeling alone in our “good” efforts.
So how do we approach such a joyous season with peace in our hearts, without stressing over what we think it “should” look like?
BOUNDARIES.
When we neglect to place boundaries on our time, talents, and treasures we have less joy, more stress, ending in exhaustion (or relief that it’s over). Whereas, when we place boundaries on those things, we can feel more rested at the end of the season.
Setting boundaries allows us to take radical ownership of our decisions, giving us permission to say NO while inspiring boldness, confidence, and authority over the YESes all while offering our God-given gifts. Boundaries enable us to live within our capacity, bringing more joy and peace to our lives.
Jesus was exemplary at setting boundaries. Jesus knew the demands that his ministry would have on his human body, mind, and spirit. The time He took to pull away and be alone with the Father wasn’t just for prayer but also to take radical ownership of His own human needs and limitations. It was a time for rest.
We can reflect on Jesus’ example, ask God to reveal our capacity limits, and make discerning choices about where our time, talents, and treasures should be placed during the holiday season in particular.
Here are a few ways we can celebrate with beautiful boundaries during our holiday season.
Boundaries that include time for physical rest and spiritual rest & worship
• Prioritize time for REST & WORSHIP first.
• Block out non-negotiable time in your calendar to NOT schedule things. I call this my “whitespace” time.
• Plan activities that you find joyful and truly bring rest to your soul.
• Boundaries against the pressure of cultural norms for traditions, celebrations, and giving (even with extended family).
• Give yourself permission to say NO (focus on quality over quantity).
• Decide criteria for your YESes ahead of time and stick to it!
• Allow your YESes to bring joy, peace, and rest — NOT stress.
Imagine with me again:
Jesus pauses for another quiet moment, waiting for you to process this TRUTH.
“... all the fuss is not necessary.”
His expression is warm, and he’s giving you a slight smile. You feel your shoulders relax as His permission to not fret so much sinks in. The sense of his grace fills your entire body.
You whisper, “Thank you Jesus” and return His smile as one more tear slips down your flushed cheek.Turning towards the kitchen again, your heart is renewed.
What I’ve prepared is enough. It’s not fancy or what you envisioned, but enough. Eager to join your guests in fellowship, you quickly place what you have on simple trays.
As you return to the room, you’re warmly greeted by Jesus, your sister, and the other guests. They’re not bothered by the simple presentation of the meal you’ve prepared, and they’re so grateful for your presence.
Melissa MacGregor is a Healthy Lifestyle Mentor and writer passionate about equipping women to cultivate their lives and homes with God-honoring, healthy rhythms. Her devotionals are written from a place of vulnerability and truth, reflecting on the challenges that God has brought her through in her own life and health journey. Connect with Melissa and subscribe to her
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Wow! What an amazing way to bring this lesson home....loved this message and the powerful way you brought it to your readers! This has been something I have struggled with, and the lesson is so appreciated!