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by Susan Bolinger
I love Springtime. Seeing the new buds on the trees, flowers springing out of the ground and pops of color showing up everywhere. It fills my heart with hope that new life has begun. I like to think that forgiveness is like Springtime. Letting go of the past can be a difficult task, but holding onto past hurts is like living in Wintertime, all the time.
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why it is so easy to hold a grudge?” When you are hurt by someone you love and trust, you will experience hurt, sadness, anger, betrayal, or confusion and those emotions are normal. It’s only when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, where grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. There is only so much room inside of your heart, and if you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you could find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
I’ve come across many women who have been hurt and continued to carry that hurt inside of them for years. They couldn’t move forward with their lives. It’s like they were stuck in survival mode. Some had been falsely accused of things they did not do. Many endured being molested as a child, some had been raped, or they had been betrayed by someone they loved. After talking with these ladies, some of them shared these offenses happened twenty, thirty, and some even forty years ago, and they were still trapped back in time.
Do not allow yourself to be stuck in unforgiveness. It’s like wearing cement shoes that prevent you from going on with your life. It allows the offender to have power over you. You think you are controlling them by withholding forgiveness when, in fact, you have handed over complete control to them, because they control your feelings.
Let’s answer two questions that are very important. First, what is forgiveness? It’s a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. It is an act of obedience for the kingdom of God. The enemy has nothing in his arsenal to combat forgiveness. When you choose to forgive, there is nothing he can say, because it makes no sense to him. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but offering forgiveness will lessen its grip on you. It removes the “stinger” from your heart. By doing this, it will help you focus on other positive parts of your life. Secondly, let’s talk about what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
Mayo Clinic Staff advises, “If you don’t practice forgiveness, you will be the one who pays most dearly. Forgiveness brings a peace that helps you go on with life.” Forgiveness does not say you are to stay in a hurtful situation or relationship (including family) and allow them to continue to hurt you. It is not burying your head in the sand, and it’s not denying the pain you suffered. But, if you don’t forgive, you will never be free. Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and then realize the prisoner was you.”
Forgiveness is such a difficult subject when you have been wronged, especially when you are still in the middle of it, when that release has not come and you are still tied up in all the emotions. I understand, but forgiveness is absolutely necessary to live a life of freedom. Why would you want to stay bound up in all those emotions? When you give your emotions to the Lord once and for all, it brings a level of freedom you didn’t know existed.
Freedom is achieved when forgiveness is given. You are the one who is set free, and the offending person is placed into the hands of the Lord to deal with. In Romans 12:19 the Lord says, “Vengeance is mine and I will repay!” Don’t you believe God will do that at the perfect time? Don’t you believe He will do it in a way that can bring repentance to the other person so their soul can be saved as well? God will bring you the VICTORY and bring them to a point of repentance, too. That’s freedom for all!
If you have withheld forgiveness from those who have hurt you, offer that forgiveness today. Don’t delay, for a heart of unforgiveness cannot enter into the kingdom of Heaven. There is nothing and no one worth missing Heaven over. Forgiveness sets you free where you can go on with your life in total freedom and live an abundant life for the Lord.
I understand saying you forgive someone and carrying it out is two different things. Forgiveness is an intentional decision. You can’t do it without the Lord helping you. You can’t do it within yourself. When Jesus ascended to Heaven, He said He would send us a “Comforter” and that is the Holy Ghost. It’s the Holy Ghost that helps give you the power to forgive. With His strength, you can do anything.
Have You Forgiven?
Have you forgiven everyone who has wronged you? Satan uses unforgiveness as spiritual warfare. He knows when you’ve been hurt, and he knows how to take those tender emotions and use them against you. When you don’t forgive those who have hurt you, you give him ammunition to use against you. When you have been hurt, your instinct is to hurt back. You want to make the other person pay for what they did. You can’t take revenge; therefore, you must forgive. Why? Because God commands it. But how do you do it? How can you let it go when they unjustly hurt you? Here are some steps that will help you.
• Make a list of people you feel you have not forgiven, or who you need to ask forgiveness from. When you think of certain people, or see them out in public, or see their name on social media, and just the sight of them “stings” your heart, you need to write their name down, no matter how big or small the situation.
• Then, get alone with the Lord and one by one, imagine that person sitting in front of you and replay the events that occurred around each situation. Some memories may be difficult, but Jesus is right there with you to finally deal with it once and for all.
• After you replay what happened in your mind, say, “I forgive you for what you did to me” or “I’m sorry I hurt you, please forgive me.” Speak it out loud as if they are sitting there in the flesh. You will overcome by the words of forgiveness you speak out loud. After you have gone through these steps with every name on your list, destroy that list by fire! Those offenses are gone and no longer have a hold on you! You need to see that list disappear!
• Release all emotions, tears, and harsh feelings to the Lord so He can heal your heart. Jesus will sweep away the hurt as you forgive them. It’s time to finally let it all go.
You may have already apologized to those in the past for what you done wrong, but this is something you need to do for yourself before the Lord. Some people may never ask you to forgive them, but you can offer it with God’s help. God wants you to be an overcomer, to be more than a conqueror and to live an abundant life.
You must allow God to take you back to the moment when the offense took place, because when you can forgive at that moment... the enemy can no longer torment you with it.
You will feel like the weight of the world has instantly been lifted off your shoulders. If your hands are full of people who you can’t forgive, how can God fill your hands with new blessings? A new anointing? How can He fill your arms with His promises, dreams, goals, and be able to reach higher spiritual levels? He can’t. Your arms can only hold so much! I know you want to be set free, once and for all.
Forgiving others who have hurt you will be the single most difficult thing you will ever do. But also, forgiving them will set you free above, and beyond what your heart and mind could ever imagine. Forgiving not only sets you free, but it also removes the shackles and chains that has prevented miracles from happening in your life. You receive clarity for your future, and you have untied the hands of our Savior to work freely in your life!
Written by Susan Bolinger
Susan Bolinger is an Author of the book, “Bloom – A Process to Achieve
Complete Forgiveness”. She has a YouTube Channel where you can follow her video series “Forgiveness in Five.”
To order a copy of Susan’s book and to obtain more information on her ministry, check out the links below.
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