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Holidays for me always bring about thoughts of my favorite treats; sweet potato casserole at
Thanksgiving and cookie decorating at Christmas. On the regular, a really good sandwich is a treat. Scrolling on one of my social media platforms recently, I ran across a reel for a restaurant here in Houston that stuffs a salad into a baguette. Oh, my word! I literally dreamed about it the night after I had it the first time.
In recent years, the term “sandwich” has come to mean something new... “Sandwich Generation”! In our 50's, my husband and I have two daughters – one a junior in college and
the other a junior in high school. While older and able to do more, our girls still need us. But,
on September 7, 2021, I got a call that started a three-year journey of our parents needing
us. We now found ourselves in this “middle” spot between our girls and our parents and
having full-time jobs, and being volunteers and, and, and.
That first call was about my father. To say my father and I had an estranged relationship was
an understatement. In God’s providence, my ladies Bible study group was working through
the book, Ten Words to Live By written by Jen Wilkens. And the word the week following
the call, “Honor”, as in “Honor your mother and your father”. There are no qualifiers that get you out of it ... such as them not being honorable or not liking their lifestyle or behaviors. It’s simply, “Honor”. That was what we did.
After taking him to the hospital and undergoing many tests, we learned my father had terminal pancreatic cancer, so he came to live with us until we could figure out a plan. And, for the next year, living with us was the plan. While we juggled caregivers, doctors’ visits and other needs for my father, my husband’s parents both became critically ill. And, because that was not enough, we loaded up our oldest daughter and left her in Virginia for her first year of college (a “happy stressor”) and only a few months after our youngest daughter was in crisis.
I say all of this not out of a look at all we went through - poor pitiful us! - but because when you have BIG life events, you have to lean into a BIG God who you believe has a plan and will sustain you. When I look back, I see His miracles He brought into our lives before, during, and after.
I had gone to the same church for the first 47 years of my life. In 2018, God began stirring in both my husband and me that our girls needed to go to a church where they had friends from school. And while this proved to be a true, God-led reason, we found that God had so much more for us at our new church home ... a community for us as a couple and friends for us individually. People who prayed for us, listened to us, and brought us meals ... they were the hands and feet of Jesus. We will never be able to repay their kindness, but we will pay it forward.
He impressed upon me to carry his word in my heart. There were very specific verses that
kept coming up that would comfort me immediately. Have I not commanded you? Be strong
and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
I had to learn to be okay with not being okay. When people asked how I was, I couldn’t fake
it. I was just too tired. And, you know what? It was okay that I was not okay, and people
offered to pray for me and my family. Those prayers sustained us for three years as we lost three parents in less than a year and a half. Additionally, we found comfort in our
communities ... people who had been where we were and people going through the same challenges.
Now, on the other side of what felt like a “winter decade” ... not just a “season”, we believe that God is going to use that hard time just like he has used all the other hard times to allow us to bless and minister to others and bring people to Him. While we take some time to grieve and restore, we are also taking time to intentionally build our new normal as a family of four.
We find ourselves now in new territory. Having lost my mother in my 20's, we no longer have any parents. Our siblings have taken on a larger significance in our lives. We call and text more. Not relying on information from parents about what is happening makes it more personal and
creates a deeper connection. I heard the term “adult orphan” one time, and while I guess that
is technically true, I find this next phase to very much be like the phases we went through raising
our girls. We loved each timeframe – baby, toddler, elementary age, etc. While you enjoy the current, there is a longing for the comfort of the known past.
As the seasons of giving thanks and the blessing of Christmas is upon us, we know another “season” is just around the corner but hidden deeply in my heart, I’m assured that “the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” He was, is, and always will be.
Candace Desrosiers is a wife and mom and works at Houston Christian University, serving as the Associate Vice President of Alumni & University Relations. When she isn’t planning an event at work, she loves hosting friends in her home. Our family loves to travel, and when we finish one trip, we begin thinking of where to go next.
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